How many times have you heard of empty nesters, whether they’re divorced or widowed, falling in love and getting married and thinking to themselves, “how wonderful and how perfect?” After raising a family, now is your chance to experience a happily ever after relationship, where you can focus exclusively on each other and nurture your marriage without having to deal with each other’s child-rearing.
Younger single parents remarrying face the common blended family stressors of shared parenting responsibilities, children in transition, dual family budgets, step-sibling rivalry, and conflict with ex-spouses, all of which dilute the energy of family life. adult relationship and leave little chance. for the couple to focus on each other.
In fact, most of the stepfamily literature focuses on younger stepfamilies because older second families are supposed to avoid the normal challenges of the stepfamily and are perfectly poised to focus on each other and enjoy themselves. of healthy extended blended family relationships that only add to their combined happiness. It sounds too good to be true, and it usually is.
In his groundbreaking book, step wars, Grace Gabe, MD, and Jean Lipman-Blumen, Ph.D., detail the interesting and unique dynamics of the adult adoptive family. After analyzing in-depth interviews and focus groups among a cross-section of remarried parents and their adult children, the authors have written the definitive book on the true story of stepfamilies and adult children.
Grace and Jean have identified five common anger issues, called the Five Furies, that are surprisingly shared by both parents and adult children. Although these widespread fears and concerns are important factors in relationships with stepparents, there are differing views on who is causing the problems.
1. Fear of abandonment and isolation. The fear of losing a relationship that depends on emotional and/or financial support.
two. Loyalty to the family. Worry about changes in loyalty, especially when original family members are concerned that the parent will lose his old loyalty after remarrying, when stepchildren feel that the new spouse’s children have too much influence, or when either of the spouses feel there is too much loyalty towards them. the old family.
3. Favoritism. Worry about who is number one in each family and who is given the highest priority.
Four. Finance. Fear among adult children of losing money or property they hoped to receive, and among parents, the notion that their adult children are more concerned about their inheritance than the parents.
5. Focus on self to the exclusion of others. Anger that a parent or adult child cares only about himself and no longer cares about others.
step wars contains a plethora of examples of real, relatable relationships that expose major issues between adult stepchildren, their parents, and stepparents, and provides practical and encouraging advice and strategies for parents and adult children.