“Oh my gosh…he’s so little, does he know how to go to the bathroom yet?” People are fascinated that my son has never worn diapers. He is an excellent conversation starter. Elimination communication, aka No Diapers, is a recent trend in America, especially in my hometown of Boulder, Colorado. It is even possible to attend meetings with a group of other like-minded mothers or those eager to learn how to carry babies without additional padded bottoms. This very gentle, ecological and natural way of treating your baby’s waste is based on the theory that babies are aware of their elimination processes – yes, even from birth – and can communicate it to you.
The day my son was born I caught his urine in a small bowl next to my nightstand. I immediately said “pee-pees”. That was going to be the key word. Then he started doing it again and I put him over the bowl and said my association word “pee” again. I had just given birth and was tired, and I thought I would give myself a good three month break before I try this whole “no diapers” thing. I thought I would be so exhausted that I wouldn’t feel like spending any more time and effort observing and writing down the types of grimaces or growls my son made before he was eliminated. This was supposed to be my precious time to really bond and connect with my baby. Too much work at first. Well, I was pleasantly surprised to see that it required virtually no effort. Because instead, with this new association word, I didn’t have to catch him halfway and frantically reach for the bowl, I held him over the bowl from time to time in the same position (your baby can also make an association with the position that you hold it) and simply ask it to pee. Something like a Pavlov Bell association. If he didn’t have to go, he would turn over or squirm in a matter of seconds. If I did, I would try. Bless his little face as he concentrated and relaxed his little sphincter muscles. The first day after my son was born I asked him to go potty and he jumped in the bowl four times! Not a word of a lie. He was born with the awareness of where the muscles were, what they were for, and how to control them. Pretty impressive.
Talk about a boost in mom’s confidence. We were already communicating! I knew we could try to go diaper-free and use elimination communication. It was so close to my heart because it seemed so intuitive. He reassured me that we are complete in having everything we really need to raise our children. When you practice elimination communication, the process is natural and receptive rather than reactive. It requires cooperation. The nice thing about this is that there is no abrupt transition to “potty training” when everything your child knows about going potty is turned upside down when he rolls over, say three times, and needs to be “trained” or coerced. (or tampered with m&m’s) to start pooping in the potty like a big kid. They take away the comfort of running to a corner and bending over and pooping in her diaper like she has done every day for three years. With elimination communication, a child never learns that his diaper is her toilet. And he never needs to completely unlearn what he already knows. If he pees his pants, don’t yell “stop! wait!” from across the room. It is not reactive. It is a smooth process.
You don’t have to be a barefoot hippie in “peace and love” or excited about showing skin to have a child without diapers. I’m not suggesting that babies need to run around town bare-bottomed. You don’t have to rip out your rug or sell all your nice furniture. People from all walks of life are doing it. I always put my son in cotton or fleece shorts with soft elastic around the ankles to prevent large puddles. Also, if I miss a pee, I can see when he’s wet right away.
Some days we stayed dry all day. Other days, when I was in the thick of the conversation, I would think to myself: hmm, he hasn’t been gone in a while, let me finish what I was saying and then I’ll take him to the bathroom. And then he would see the look and know it was too late. I should have acted on intuition. It’s time to tune in again. No big deal though, I’d pull a clean pair of pants out of my bag and change immediately. He never had a bulk that prevented him from walking or my ability to feel his cute dimpled butt as he carried it. He never sat in a wet diaper or poop. He didn’t “use his bathroom.”
However, practicing elimination communication does not have to be an all or nothing proposition. Some close friends of mine in Slovenia always had their son without diapers at home, but when they went out they would put a diaper on him. Another friend here in town first tried elimination communication by undiapering her daughter alone at night because she found it easier to decipher her elimination signals while they slept together.
When you notice the patterns that emerge around your baby’s bowel movements and communications, you can start laying them out over a bucket, potty, toilet, or even a bush when you suspect you need to go. My friend who was curious to see if she would work with her older baby, so we tried it when most babies seem to pee, after waking up from a nap. Asking your baby to eliminate upon waking is really a great time to incorporate that association word. And before she knows it, she may end up getting all the reassurance she needs to see that she can really function. Your baby is aware of the elimination process of her.
Elimination Communication is not only more comfortable for your baby, but it also helps you to be a more attentive and aware mother. Just like breastfeeding and carrying the baby, practicing elimination communication keeps you especially close to your baby and aware of her needs. By raising her child, trust and love flourish, and the joy of being a mother is multiplied tenfold. Take it from a mother who has never changed her child’s dirty diapers!