A PRECIOUS BOND: Must Not Be Broken
The bond between grandfather and son is precious and should not be broken unnecessarily.
While there is no doubt that grandparents suffer greatly from broken hearts when separated from their grandchildren, children also feel frustrated, powerless, and deprived of an important part of their future. Often the greatest source of grievance for grandparents stems from concern for the child: the impact on that child when a beloved grandparent abruptly withdraws from her life. Grandparents wonder: “Do you feel abandoned?” “Not loved?” “Will they think it’s somehow their fault?”
The grandparent-grandchild relationship is an entity of its own, built on a foundation of unconditional love and mutual affection. It’s no secret that grandparents are vitally important in a child’s life. Think about your own bond with your grandparents.
The enactment of grandparent visitation laws, which provide a way to actively advocate on behalf of a child, supports that notion. Grandparent laws are intended to preserve and protect the grandparent-grandchild relationship, giving grandparents a seat in a court of law to advocate for a child and give them a voice. Children deserve to have all the love they can get and to keep it. When a child is unreasonably denied that love, there are likely to be negative consequences.
There is a body of research indicating that when children lose access to a caring adult (such as a grandparent) with whom they have had an established relationship, they experience abandonment issues, low self-esteem, emotional disturbances, misbehavior, or withdrawal. Dr. Glenn Cartwright of McGill University is a leading authority on PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) which also affects grandparents through association. I refer to this as GAS (Grandparent Alienation Syndrome). In his article, “Expanding the Parameters of Parental Alienation Syndrome,” Dr. Cartwright discusses the short-, medium-, and long-term effects of PAS. In addition to the non-custodial parent, the grandparents also experience anguish over the loss of the child through sudden termination. He explains that during the first stage, when the child experiences the loss of a grandparent or parent, it is similar to a death, only worse than a real death because the child is unable to acknowledge or mourn the loss, and becomes a great tragedy. . When the child is subjected to continual denigration of grandparents by alienating parents, all good memories of them are “deliberately and systematically destroyed.”
Medium-term effects refer to the continued absence [as opposed to initial loss] of the lost grandfather [and parent] and the effects it has on child development. What is lost is the consistency, the day-to-day interaction, the love and support that normally flows from grandparents and parents. Dr. Cartwright states: “While in the case of death such a loss is unavoidable, in the case of PAS such a loss is completely avoidable and therefore inexcusable.”
For long-term effects, Professor Cartwright suggests “that everyone involved in PAS suffers from some degree of long-term distress.” He compares the feelings that parents and grandparents experience to something similar to what is experienced when a child disappears. Professor Cartwright emphasizes that it is the child who suffers the most.
Dr. Eleanor Willemsen, a professor of developmental psychology at Santa Clara University, in her article “Best Interests Of a Child,” describes the effects on a child when attachments are broken, including loss of security and emotional problems. of abandonment She emphasizes the damage that occurs “when a child loses ongoing intimate relationships,” and there is evidence that over time a child’s social skills decline, they become insecure, and there are cognitive effects. Perhaps Dr. Willemsen said it best in the following sentence: “[T]The most important aspect of being a whole person as a young child is your opportunity to develop well.”
GRANDPARENT VISITING RIGHTS are equally CHILDREN’S RIGHTS: A child should also have the right to remain connected to grandparents. It is an ongoing struggle by many who work to promote the preservation of the family unit by influencing legislation and the public. These GRANDPARENTS’ RIGHTS STATUTE will highlight the fact that children are often treated as “property,” with little concern for their wants and needs. There is a need for substantive children’s issues; a child’s FREEDOM INTERESTS must be represented and no longer ignored. Children are people, not possessions.
Perhaps if children were treated more as individuals rather than “property”, their true “BEST INTERESTS” would be protected.
SUSAN HOFFMAN