I am sometimes contacted by women who are desperate for a second chance at their marriage, but their husbands not only won’t give them this second chance, but also demand a divorce. This is a difficult situation because it puts the wife in a clear position of weakness that can be very difficult to overcome. Often her mind tells her that if she can get her husband’s attention and even a little “intervention,” she can convince him to put off all these divorce talks until she can work things out. The problem, however, is that if her marriage is in this dangerous place, her husband has probably stopped listening to her and no longer sees her as someone she wants to have deep conversations with or fix things with.

I remember when I was in this situation myself and I used to say that talking to my husband during that time was like talking to a tree. I would get no reaction at all or just one syllable responses that were meant to send me on my way and not waste his time anymore. However, I was able to get through this and I think you can too.

If your husband won’t give your marriage a second chance, stop asking for one: Before you think I’ve gone crazy for saying that, please listen to me. I think there’s a good chance her husband put his voice on lock mode. And I also know from experience that this situation is so frustrating that it can lead you to act very desperately and unexpectedly. Before you can stop yourself, you may find yourself compromising, threatening, and begging. All of these things, of course, drive the husband further away from her and further away from her target.

One way to stop this cycle is to completely change course. This may seem like the wrong thing to do and may even sound risky. But believe me when I tell you that I can’t count how many people it has worked for. And, think about it, your current plan isn’t working either, so what do you have to lose?

Put distance between you to eventually bring you closer:When I say distance, I don’t mean physical distance in terms of miles or households apart. Instead, I am referring to the distance from the stress and desperate situation that lies under your roof. The tension needs to decrease and the opposite sides you’re on need to come together, so you can’t continue the way you are.

I usually suggest that at this point you agree with your spouse that the marriage is also very unsatisfying for you and that you agree that a breakup can put things in perspective. Tell your husband that you realize his actions have distanced you and that you will no longer engage in the behaviors that will continue this cycle. Reassure him that this isn’t meant to change his mind (you can’t know what the future holds), but that he’s too important to let you part with anything other than cordial.

Many men will not believe you. It’s okay. It is up to you to show him that you mean what he has said. Some husbands may even go ahead and move out of their home. This can be troublesome, but trust the process. Distance can actually be a good thing if you play it right. Whether your husband stays home or not, the key is to move forward as the best version of yourself and freely give the distance you promised, because if done correctly, it will show your husband how much he misses you. .

I want you to think about the woman your husband first adored. Think about how close (or far) you are to that woman right now. I interact with many men on my blogs and overwhelmingly they tell me that the main problem is that his wife is not the person they married. They married a cheerful, fun and loving person and they no longer see her in front of them. So regardless of what her husband loved about you – your sense of humor, your compassion, your uncanny ability to “get him” and what he does – make sure your husband sees that he still possesses these qualities. This is key because, frankly, at this point, he’s pretty sure this woman is gone forever, but if he could get her back, things could change.

Be convincing and consistent:The main purpose of this idea of ​​distance is to move away from the woman who is triggering negative emotions and move towards the woman whom your husband loved, the one who is capable of triggering positive emotions in him. Always remember this goal. Always present yourself as a woman who loves her husband but respects herself enough to go through with the breakup. See friends. Do whatever it takes to bring out the happy, smiling woman that I know lives inside of you and make sure your husband sees or hears about her.

Many times, I see wives take the initial action I’ve suggested, only to later see them back off when their husband begins to be receptive, and then try to speed up the process by moving too fast or demanding guarantees or promises. Always remember that you are looking for positive interactions. Don’t move too fast. Make your husband want more and move at a snail’s pace.

It is important that you start to retain some of the power so that you are not at a disadvantage. In the best case scenario, eventually both of you will be equally committed to saving the marriage and will go with all your heart. This is really the only way to achieve long-term success. You can and should have tough conversations about how to resolve your issues once you’re back in a strong marriage, but don’t try to do it too soon or it could backfire.

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