“Friends and family who suffer from a lack of abundance, joy, love, satisfaction, and prosperity in their own lives really don’t have to impose their self-limiting beliefs on their experience of reality.”

• Antonio San Martin

How to spot a spoilsport

A spoilsport can’t wait to walk all over your dreams like a four-year-old dragging mud all over your freshly mopped kitchen floor. They just can’t resist the urge to kill your ambition.

Have you ever told someone about your dreams or ambitions and almost immediately regretted doing so? You may have expected excitement and support, but all you got was a long list of ‘reasons’ why your dreams can never come true, or how insane and unrealistic your goals are.

A spoilsport is usually armed with anecdotal examples of someone they know personally, or maybe read about on Facebook, who tried the same thing you’re trying and it didn’t work for them. Surely you don’t want to end up like that Type. Just leave it while you’re ahead. Save yourself the anguish.

Sometimes a spoilsport will subtly attack your self-confidence. “Are you sure Is this the right decision?” They will mention how difficult it is going to be. “It’s going to take a while. a long time to reach that goal.” “For that amount of money, they’re going to wait much outside of you”.

Then there’s the spoiler that reminds you why your dream isn’t worth chasing. “You will not do none money doing that.” They might suggest you take a more ‘practical’ or ‘sensible’ route. After all, a dream isn’t worth pursuing unless it’s practical, right?

Then there’s the old reliable spoiler alternative argument: normality. Apparently, there is this group of ‘normal’/mediocre people that we should all aspire to emulate. “Why don’t you get a normal Work as normal people do?” The problem is that the world is not changed by ‘normal’ people. It is ambitious dreamers who change and create the future.

why do they do what they do

A spoilsport is a broken person. Past failures have broken your ability to dream. They are like a child who once got burned on a hot stove and is now always afraid to venture into the kitchen again. Sometimes this fear is not based on past experiences but on believing the naysayers in his life. These individuals have been taught to fear change or anything that is beyond the realm of what society considers ‘normal’. They have replaced inspiration with fear as their guide.

A spoilsport allows fear to stifle their own dreams and then projects their own fears onto others. They see their ‘rational’ fear as a sign of wisdom and think it wise to give up a potentially fulfilling life while clinging to their ‘fair’ and ‘rational’ life of fear.

  • fear of loss. As the saying goes; once bitten twice shy. Sometimes the experience of a great loss causes some people to withdraw from life. They become so averse to failure or loss that they completely avoid any undertaking that carries a risk of failure. These people usually project their fear of loss onto others who are trying to achieve great things. When naysayers rain down on your parade, they sometimes deeply believe they’re doing it for your own good. They feel that they are protecting him from the anguish of loss or failure.
  • fear of being alone. Close friends of the suddenly ambitious and inspired person may feel that they are losing a friend/spouse/colleague. Your ambitious friend will soon stop traveling in the same circles because successful people tend to date other successful people. This creates a feeling of resentment and rejection.
  • Fear of being judged. Mediocrity and failure are made more bearable by knowing that you are not alone in your failure. When everyone around you sucks, there’s less pressure to work harder or excel. He is consolation in the anonymity of massive failure. However, when one person begins to climb the ladder of success, it highlights the failures of others. His success, despite coming from a similar background as his peers, highlights his comparable inability to achieve the same status and success.
  • Fear of death or injury. Sometimes a spoilsport genuinely cares about your safety. A good example is when one plans to join the military, the police, or become a firefighter. These are dangerous professions and it is understandable that friends and family may be genuinely concerned about their safety.

How to deal with a spoilsport

When faced with naysayers and dream killers, the first thing you should do is sit down with them and have an honest, nonjudgmental, and calm conversation. Be careful not to lose control and start accusing everyone of being against you. Find out what their real concerns are. If they are genuine, try to allay their fears by explaining your line of reasoning. Try to find a compromise when possible.

If you still disagree with the spoiler after a heart-to-heart talk and still feel like you should pursue your dream, you can choose to ignore your naysayers and move on. You can’t win every battle and you can’t please everyone. At the end of the day, no one can chase your dreams for you. You only have one life to live. Live it to the fullest of its potential.

Sometimes the spoilsport doesn’t really have genuine concern for you. Some people are just jealous and hateful. It’s okay to completely cut these people out of your life. If you can’t do that, at least resolve not to share your plans and ideas with them. Don’t hand your dreams to a jealous naysayer on a silver platter so he can trample on them.

So get out there and be cool!

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