SECOND SAMUEL CHAPTER 12, VERSE 23. This is what we cling to. It is all we have, yet because of our faith, it is all we need. Our faith tells us that this life is not all we have. We are here, on Earth, for a while; four score and ten. It’s a camping trip compared to what we have in an eternal home.
As we consider where we are, two months after our son’s brilliant transition to be with God, we know two realities simultaneously.
First, we are always touched by the hand of God’s grace, and blessed, whenever we think of Nathanael. Second, even as we grieve, we always want the memory of him to be special.
***
You are mine,
Yes, you were ours
Vulnerable and kind
Like the flowers.
not forgotten,
memories are good
We love you so much,
As only we could.
This is how we are today
Two months later,
Still with a lot to say
Even though you’re gone
you will not come to us,
That is sure,
Come we must,
So wait there at the gate of heaven.
***
We are thankful as we approach the six month mark of this journey (after learning of our son’s plight on July 2). The grace of God and a lot of prayer and our faith have helped us to get ahead.
However, we still don’t have our son. All the hopes we had on July 1, with no idea of the difficult situation our boy was in, were going to vanish that fateful Tuesday morning. Never again will we approach a ‘routine’ ultrasound in a routine way.
But if we don’t have our child, we are left with the question “who does?”
Nathanael is in a much better place, a much safer place than we can provide, because he has gone to be with God. No matter how mature we are in the Christian faith, that thought has to be surreal; a mystery.
We will continue to miss Nathaniel as we continue to wonder what could have been.
But we can’t complain when we stare at its reality. He is where we will soon be. He is at home. He is gone and will not return.
He will not come to us; we will be with him.
And that, for us, is where it is. That is our reality that we can only accept.
Accepting what cannot be changed is the passive half of wisdom.
© 2014 SJ Wickham.