I often get emails from wives who want to know first how to get their husband away from the lover or other woman, and then how to keep him away from her forever. Because it’s almost impossible to move on or save a marriage when you wonder if he’s with her (either literally in her heart or in her mind) or if he can be trusted. In short, this woman comes between you and her husband and you have to go. But here’s the problem. For her to leave, your husband must be the one to walk away from her and mean it. In the following article, I will offer tips and advice on how to make this happen.
Understand Your Payment. What is he getting from her that keeps him coming back?:Often when I ask wives why they think their husband is attracted to the other woman, the wife almost always says something related to sex. I usually hear responses like “well, obviously she must be willing to do things in the bedroom that I’m not,” or “maybe the sex is hot, new, or different,” or “maybe she just has something to look forward to.” I do not want”. ‘t.” ‘t.”
Believe it or not, the real reward is usually not related to sex. Overwhelmingly, men cheat for emotional reasons. This is only the truth, although very few men will admit it. Men cheat because they usually feel bad about themselves or because they are in a vulnerable spot. Usually the reward you get is a boost to your self-esteem, feeling understood, appreciated, attractive, or feeling young and valuable again.
You need to understand exactly what he’s getting out of this so you know how to approach it. It’s rare for a man to tell you what’s behind his decision. But, if you take an inventory of his life and his behavior, you can often come up with a very plausible theory that is often correct. This will let you know what he is dealing with and where his vulnerabilities are. Now, you can’t fix your husband’s low self-esteem and he really doesn’t deserve to be built up after he has let you down like this. But, at least you know where his head is at so that when you get to a place where you’re working on the marriage, you know what he needs to address.
Know that she will slip sooner or later: Many wives don’t believe me when I say this, but often all you need to do is bide your time with dignity and grace. Because if you get mad at your husband and pour out negative emotions and threats, you only make the other woman’s job easier. She’s sitting there smelling pink while you look like the crazy one, out of control, so you’re playing her game.
This is what you need to understand about her. She is presenting a farce to her husband. She will appear to be low-maintenance and she will appear to offer herself “no strings attached,” but what woman will she offer herself for nothing for very long? Who would be so stupid? Eventually she will start making demands. She is going to start demanding more of her time or wants a commitment. Her bad habits will start to bother her and she will start to get impatient with just being “the other woman”. Usually when this happens, her attractiveness to her will be less. The payment she was receiving becomes less frequent or just not worth it. This is when you are in a position of strength.
Don’t give him any choice. Make sure she knows that keeping the other woman close is NOT acceptable: Tell your husband directly that having three people in your marriage is an unacceptable deciding factor. Make sure he knows you’ll catch him if he keeps this up and you won’t put up with it. (There are many ways to keep track of this. You can put a GPS tracker in his car. You can put spyware on his computer.) Demand that he stop all contact with her and if he works with her, tell him that he must request a transfer or at least set some very strict boundaries at work. Then keep him so busy that he no longer has time to see or communicate with her.
If he resists this or you catch him still seeing or communicating with her on the sly, tell him you’re going to repeat again that this is a deal breaker. If he still persists, you must leave or make him leave. He will not respect you at all if you allow him to have a mistress and a marriage. If this is the case, tell him that he is clearly not ready to deal with your marriage since he is still with someone else. If you still want to save the marriage, tell him to contact you once he has decided to stay away from her once and for all.
I know this doesn’t sound like much fun. But, no marriage can work if one husband is dealing with two women. To save her marriage, she must have her full attention and commitment. If he can’t or won’t give you that, then you must preserve your self worth and make him lose until he decides to change this.