Hollywood propagates the idea that people go about their daily lives and magically, when the subway doors close and she runs into the car you’re standing on, your eyes meet, a band starts playing somewhere and you go. In the distance, happily ever after.
Don’t ask me how you navigate in the distance when you’re on a train, just know that it happens.
These stories happen in real life, but they are the exception and not the norm.
Actually, you have to be a bit more proactive, to the point of being boring and methodical, if you want to find the right one.
This is what you have to do:
1) Find out who you are, what you stand for, and the type of woman you want (and refuse to settle for less)
If you resolve the first two of the above, the third should resolve itself. Forget the old adage of ‘opposites attract’: we tend to like people who are like us.
So once you know, on a deep level, who you are and what you stand for, you’ll know when you’ll meet a woman like you.
Where most guys go wrong is that they say ‘I just want a good girl’. What they usually get is a nice girl, someone normal and ordinary, nothing too extraordinary, pretty harmless. If you want someone really amazing, you have to figure out who that person is in your mind and look for them. Don’t settle for less.
2) Go to the places where these women hang out
Now you know who you are, what you like and what you want in a woman. So what hobbies does this woman have? She probably similar to you.
So let’s say you love rock climbing and scuba diving.
Does it make more sense to hang out in bars and clubs hoping to meet the one, or to go and join a bunch of rock climbing and diving clubs and meet the people there?
No one attractive in these clubs? Find clubs further away. Take a tour of the country if necessary.
Wherever these women hang out, you have to go, and you have to meet them.
3) Realize that dating is a sorting process
Some men don’t date until their 20s, then they just bump into one, get married, and settle down. Assuming they met the person they really want to be with, instead of settling because they were desperate (which is much more common), understand that this is not something that happens often.
It’s like pinning your career hopes on winning the lottery jackpot: It could happen, and it does for some, but it’s not very likely.
It’s much better to meet as many women who fall into the ‘maybe’ category as possible, set up dates with them, and see how they fare. If it doesn’t work, no hard feelings, you just move on to the next girl.
I know this is unromantic and very un-Hollywood, but unfortunately the real world is not like the one in the movies, and if you really want to meet someone special to you, you have to start thinking a little more pragmatically (which is not very sexy, I realize).